That'll do, capitalist pig

The Communist Party of China finally came out in favor of brotherhood on Thursday.

And sisterhood.

Indeed, according to the official announcement, siblinghood generally can now bloom in the Middle Kingdom.

You don’t have to stand on the far right in the abortion debate to find the implementation of the one-child policy horrific. Forced sterilization and worse have oppressed Chinese women for 35 years, according to reliable reports.

But now China has a growing middle class, and the worker’s paradise finds itself subject to the same phenomenon as the developed, decadent West, where rising affluence correlates with declining family sizes.

This principle of demographics is as fundamental as — and not unrelated to — the economic principle of supply and demand. 

Thus the irony: Just as modern, affluent, educated Chinese couples decide they might prefer to have only one child, the government wants them to have more.

And even as economics gets called the “dismal science,” demographics could be the “mind-numbingly boring science.”

But demographic trends predict the world’s future better than any other manageable body of data. We might call a debate among presidential candidates “historic,” but on the grand scale it means nothing compared to the mass migrations that populated the Americas, brought down the Roman Empire, and threaten to overburden the entire planet

That fundamental principle of less developed nations growing faster than industrial countries has implications for every aspect of civilization. No one can build a wall long enough or high enough — whether in Hungary, China or Arizona — to keep out history.

Meanwhile countries with low growth still find reasons to spin the human drive for reproduction into policy. It has an intuitive place in the list of ingredients for increasing national power, alongside land area, natural resources and military might.

In China, the ills of overpopulation must now seem less dangerous than the perceived economic and power problems of underpopulation.

So we now live in the Looking Glass world where a country with a population of nearly 1.4 billion fears it is dying out. Or at least a near future with unmanageable disproportions of young men and retirees.

And if you find Looking Glass worlds interesting, try the Russian media’s version of daily “news.” It consists entirely of footage of President Vladimir Putin (mostly sitting silently) and “analysis” proving that every problem — from all wars ever to the poor condition of roads in Vladivostok — is America’s fault.

Let’s remember Czar Putin came up as communist and clearly would have called himself a democrat or republican or fascist or Easter Bunny if it provided him a path to power.

Faced with drastic population decline brought about by the end of the Soviet Union, a high rate of abortion and other factors, in 2008 Putin revived a page from Josef Stalin’s book. The Hero Mother of the Soviet Union medal went to women who bore and raised 10 or more children. Putin has renamed it the Order of Parental Glory.

Even in our own country, the equating of population with power lurked on the fringes of recent debate. While state and federal courts wrangled with gay mariage, some people asked why the civil government should have any authority whatever regarding anybody’s domestic arrangements.

If we have a truly secular government, definitions of morality and sin are moot, and the only vested interest of the state in family life would lie in maximizing the production of babies to serve in the army and operate factories.

Yes, the Lord commanded, “Be fruitful and multiply.” But the commandment continues “… and fill the Earth.”

Well, mission accomplished.

Almost, but not quite, entirely unlike chicken

Gator sausage

Like most long-time Kodiak residents, I have lost track of how many times off-island visitors asked me, “So where do you go for a good ’roo burger around here?”

This week, the good people at Henry’s Great Alaskan Restaurant put an end to the shame-faced silence that used to follow such questions by adding a range of exotic meats to their menu.

Supplies of kangaroo sold out quickly when the new weekly special selections premiered Monday, restaurant owner Ray LeGrue said.

The boingy marsupial heads a list that includes duck, boar, venison and, of course, water buffalo. After taking part in a taste-testing session on Sunday for Henry’s staff and a few guests, I can attest that none of it tastes like chicken — although my notes on the alligator include a favorable comparison to pork.

The pre-rollout event introduced us to nine sausage flavors in a wide range of species and spices, and while I might not put all of them on my A list, they beat your off-the-shelf wieners hollow. The English bangers even got me over the disappointment of realizing Bert Parks would not serenade in the komodo dragon.

LeGrue explained this venary venture as the latest chapter in the increasing sophistication of Americans’ palates, following the triumph of coffee bars and craft beers.

Those of us of a certain — but not too advanced, thank you — age remember when you couldn’t get an espresso on every block in rural Alaska. As recent as 1982, I ordered “cappuccino” from a menu at a bar in Toledo, Ohio, and got a cup of Sanka with a squirt of strawberry syrup. Back then the corner deli bragged about having both kinds of cheese: yellow and white. If you wanted Swiss you had to make your own holes.

As for beer, traditional American brands got a bum rap, since the Germans and Brits who snubbed them don’t even have ball parks or bowling alleys to drink them properly in.

So now Americans demand a bigger choice just than chicken, pig or cow. And good thing for Kodiak, as the anti-farmed salmon movement gains traction in the Lower 48, raising demand and prices for our honest, wild product.

I also remember a stretch in the mid-90s when ostrich flooded the upscale markets. Advocates praised its light mouth feel and beefy overtones, while opponents said “meh” and “bleah.” I liked it, but as usual the rest of the world had not caught up with my fashion sense, so ostrich meat buried its head again.

Apparently, times have changed for exotic meats, which now get their — hopefully well refrigerated — time in the sun. However, LeGrue said the Henry’s menu expansion is “based strictly on taste” and not just chasing a trend.

He admits to getting late into the game game, considering the distributor who will supply his restaurant. His daughter, Jessica LeGrue, has worked for eight years at Nicky USA, the Portland-based butchers who have expanded their offerings from rabbit to other alternatives.

Ray said he decided to become a customer after a recent visit with Jessica when he liked all the products he tried, especially the lamb.

Nicky gets all its animals, including the game species, from domesticated herds. Because of limited and somewhat unpredictable supply, Henry’s diners can expect a rotating roster of Monday specials.

Ray LeGrue also touts reasonable prices, aimed at capturing a long-term market as islanders acquire a taste for upscale viands. The restaurateur acknowledges the trend might end at any time, “But one thing’s for sure,” he said. “People are always eating.”

Now where do I go for some capybara?

Drew Herman is a Kodiak-based freelance writer and editor who still wonders where the editors of the “New York Times Cook Book” expected their readers to get fresh fruit bat. No komodo dragons were harmed in the writing of this column.

True etymologies No. 35
"Cool as a cucumber"
Actually a corruption/shortening of "cool as a Q cummerbund," an advertising slogan that never appeared in print as planned due to the tragic sudden death of product spokesman James Dean. Quentin Queeg invented his concealed refrigeration unit for men's formal wear after a particularly stifling Sausalito cotillion in the summer of 1955. It was operated by a switch in the left pants pocket. After the coup of signing Dean for a magazine campaign to capitalize on the actor's cool image, Queeg hoped to venture into the new medium of television advertising and had already begun negotiations with Harry Botough (composer of "Ta-dah") for an original score. A lawsuit by a product beta tester who suffered a freon leak while accepting an award for toothbrush design and froze his butt off in front of 500 elite oral hygiene professionals ruined Queeg's company. The inventor is now 95 and wears only Bermuda shorts and AC/DC T-shirts. Ceterum censeo "utilize" esse delendam.