True etymologies No. 35
"Cool as a cucumber"
Actually a corruption/shortening of "cool as a Q cummerbund," an advertising slogan that never appeared in print as planned due to the tragic sudden death of product spokesman James Dean. Quentin Queeg invented his concealed refrigeration unit for men's formal wear after a particularly stifling Sausalito cotillion in the summer of 1955. It was operated by a switch in the left pants pocket. After the coup of signing Dean for a magazine campaign to capitalize on the actor's cool image, Queeg hoped to venture into the new medium of television advertising and had already begun negotiations with Harry Botough (composer of "Ta-dah") for an original score. A lawsuit by a product beta tester who suffered a freon leak while accepting an award for toothbrush design and froze his butt off in front of 500 elite oral hygiene professionals ruined Queeg's company. The inventor is now 95 and wears only Bermuda shorts and AC/DC T-shirts. Ceterum censeo "utilize" esse delendam.